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Friday, Dec. 29, 2006 | Around this time of year, it’s typical for columnists such as myself to write retrospective pieces on the past 12 months.
However, I’m more interested in the future. My future.
Just as potential presidential candidates are making plans in 2007 to announce their plans to run for the presidency in 2008, I am using the last column of 2006 to announce my candidacy to become one of San Diego Magazine’s “People to Watch In 2008.”
I love San Diego Magazine and just got the latest issue. I love looking at the restaurant reviews and, especially, finding out which celebrity stayed at which hotel a few months ago.
But the latest issue is especially special because it features the editors’ list of locals who will be making an impact in 2007.
Naturally, voiceofsandiego.org editor Scott Lewis made it (and deservedly so), as well as the usual assortment of local athletes, TV journalists, government officials and former residents who’ve moved to Los Angeles to pursue acting careers.
After looking at the article, I came to a painful truth: I haven’t reached my full pinnacle of success at 41 because I haven’t set goals that are lofty enough.
Oh, in many ways, I am a success. I’ve always wanted to be married to a lovely woman and I succeeded. I’ve always wanted to have kids and now I have two. Frankly, anyone can have kids (except those who want them). I always wanted to buy a condominium in La Mesa at the moment when prices were at their highest. Man, I made that one in spades.
I set a goal to be San Diego’s second funniest columnist because no one can beat San Diego Union-Tribune editorial writer Bob Kittle (he takes himself so seriously so, naturally, he’s more hilarious than someone who tries to be funny). Whether I’ve succeeded is up to you, dear reader.
But now that I’ve reached the pinnacle of my dreams, I don’t want to rest on my laurels. That is why I am nominating myself for the highest honor a San Diegan can achieve – being chosen as one of the “50 People to Watch” by San Diego Magazine.
I realize it is too late for this year but I have 12 months to make my name for the 2008 list. Therefore, I am nominating myself and hope to win your support for this coveted honor.
I’m not obsequious enough to be mayor, and I’m not pugnacious enough to be city attorney. That means that the San Diego Magazine list is the only coveted honor a writer like me can achieve in my quest to be a local power broker.
However, I am qualified to be one to watch because I am, to be frank, quite watchable. I’ve been known to be witty at times and I have an attractive family.
Plus, I am very socially conscious. I’ve been known to put a dime in the penny tray at my local Chaldean-owned liquor store. In fact, the fact that I know the owners are Chaldean Christians and don’t just generalize them as Arabic Muslims is proof of my willingness to be multicultural, when absolutely necessary.
Also, I’m not afraid to take a stand on important issues: I believe that the Chargers should get a new stadium and someone else should pay for it. I’ve believe in higher taxes as long as they’re only for people I don’t know personally. Like Whitney Houston, I believe that the children are our future and, like Cher, I believe in life after love, after love, after love.
If you are willing to burden and blast the editors of San Diego Magazine with constant e-mails touting me as one of “50 People to Watch” from now until November, I’m sure we will succeed.
If selected, I promise to take my new position seriously but listing it on my resume when I apply for new jobs. Also, I will gladly autograph any copies thrust into my face at the high-powered events I will no doubt be invited to after I receive the coveted honor.
I will also use my new exalted status as a bully pulpit to address such important issues as cutting the taxes of people who’ve been chosen one to watch by San Diego Magazine.
Most important: I will never ever forget the little people who made the honor possible even though I am admittedly bad with names.
Part of what makes a person one of the “50 People to Watch” is the effect they have on other people. So I figure if I can convince you to help me, I can get anyone to do anything.
David Moye is a La Mesa-based writer who thinks the editors of San Diego Magazine are intelligent people who were surely make the right decision for their 2008 “50 People to Watch” issue (if they know what’s good for them). He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Or, send a letter to the editor.