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David Wells’ “what-I-did-on-my-summer-vacation” story is a bit different from yours and mine. Fine, David Wells’ everything is a bit different from yours and mine.

His is winter instead of summer, for one thing. And while I’m grateful for a couple days in a Motel 6 an area code away, Wells prefers the challenge of an African safari. And forget about the honor bar.

Wells details the finer points of African cuisine, among other things, in an interview by Mark Pesavento of Yahoo Sports. Highlights include:

  • Food: “Ostrich was phenomenal. Warthog is outstanding. … Probably the best animal I had, and it doesn’t sound good, was dik-dik. Had dik twice. Very tasty. Very, very tasty. Except zebra. I wouldn’t want to eat a zebra.”
  • Geography: Mt. Kilimanjaro was “bitchin.’”
  • Testicular fortitude: “Some of these guys over there are (expletive) nuts. They’re out of their mind. They get right up on the elephant charging you. Large stones.”
  • Fear: “I’d rather get eaten by a lion than get bitten by a snake. … You’re crawling in tall grass, so you’re on all fours. You don’t know if there’s one right there to bite the (expletive) out of you.”

Read the piece in its entirety here.

Remember, glove conquers all.

— HOWARD COLE

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